World Rare Collection: YOUR ANNUAL DEMENTIA TEST!

Friday 1 November 2013

YOUR ANNUAL DEMENTIA TEST!

YOUR ANNUAL DEMENTIA TEST!

“Good afternoon my dear friends. It’s that time of year again when we take our annual senior citizen test. My name is Professor Smrtypantz and I will be conducting this test today. Read the questions carefully and write your answer down BEFORE you scroll down to discover if you were correct.”

Please don’t cheat…..cheaters never prosper. Even if you do cheat you STILL might be losing your mind to senility!

Exercise for the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you’re losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.”

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer : ‘bread.’ If you said ‘toast,’ give it up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say ‘silk ‘ five times. Now spell ‘silk.’ What do cows drink?

Answer : Cows drink water. If you said ‘milk,’ don’t attempt the next question. Your brain is over stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Good Housekeeping.

Okay, you’re confused. We are doing your “Yearly Dementia Test” I ask a question and you answer it to the best of your ability. You have been instructed NOT TO CHEAT....
However, if you said ‘water’, proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red wood and a blue house is made from blue wood and a pink house is made from pink wood and a black house is made from black wood, What is a green house made from?

Answer : Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said ‘green wood,’ why are you still reading these??? Are you feeling somewhat depressed? Watch a little TV to calm your nerves…have a snooze!

If you said ‘glass,’ go on to Question 4.

4. It’s twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany ..) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of ‘no man’s land’ between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man’s land’?

Answer : You don’t bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you’re a dunce and you must stop. Your not still driving are you?

If you said, ‘You don’t bury survivors’, proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator – You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer : Oh, for crying out loud! Don’t you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Go back and reread the question! It’s been lovely having you in our community, however, for our own safety we have decided to put you in a senior’s home and throw away the key!!